Read the room, Absorb the Environment, and Act Accordingly

I mean, we're just over a month into the offseason now and one thing I've noticed every year around this time is that tons of parents already have team selection anxiety or remorse....and the kids haven't even played a game yet.

It was a conversation I had recently where a fellow hockey parent make a remark that caught me a little off guard that planted the seed for this article.

We were lamenting over the off-season drama swirling right now with programs switching leagues, Black Bear taking over more programs, some local coach/roster nonsense, teams folding, entire rosters moving en masse, you know, typical youth hockey stuff...and he said, "How do you always seem to move your kids at the perfect time?"

Ummmmm...

Well, the braggadocious answer is that I'm always thinking two years ahead and, since youth hockey is one of my passions, I have a pretty solid handle on the pulse of how things are trending in the geographic region my kids play in, and I act based on the things I've encountered.

At the same time, and the truly honest answer is that, I feel like I've stayed in the WRONG place for one season too long...repeatedly.

I haven't moved my kids when I see smoke...I've waited until the place is on the cusp of being on fire.

That's how I feel.

And, I suppose, it may look like I'm narrowly avoiding a complete dumpster fire to the folks that stay at the programs that I've left...but, really, most of us should have moved on the season prior.

I've written a lot of posts about how to leave and when to leave a program and touched on the reasons WHY you should consider leaving a team.

For our family, it's almost exclusively related to coaching.

At the same time, we've broken off from a few really good coaches so I don't want to paint broad strokes and imply that we always leave because the coach sucks.

One time it was that.

One.

More regularly, it's when you see your own player plateau for an unusally long period of time.

Squirts always plateau. Peewees do too.

You become desensitized and normalize unrealistic gains when your players are 7, 8, and 9 years old.

Like, you can visually see them getting better and better from one week to the next at those ages ... but then you hit a point where the gains aren't so obvious.

Nuanced skills kinda start to creep in.

It's not as blindingly obvious as a backwards crossover suddenly being utilized in a game...but more like that tip I shared a few months back that gives the impression of a higher hockey IQ. Or utilizing all of your edges to stop.

Crazy hockey parents lose their mind at this milestone thinking their kid has lost it. Game over, man... It's over.

That's a false alarm, though.

When your player is a first year squirt, you're gonna feel like they've stalled out.

Don't let that bother you.

But...if they seem stalled out and don't make any noticable improvement over an entire season or, worse, two seasons...that's when you need a spark to get them jump started.

And, in our case, it's always been the coach and the environment that needed to change.

It's just like pro athletes -- at a certain point, players just don't respond to certain coaching.

And at the NHL level...there aren't "bad" coaches or "bad" players so you can't use that excuse.

It's just incompatible environments that develop over time.

At the youth level, it's usually the coach that stays.

At the pro level, it's usually the coach that gets fired.

So, since we're talking about youth hockey here, when you feel you're in that situation with your skater, it's time to seek out a new environment.

At the same time, you need to look in the mirror as a parent too. I can't tell you how many players I've seen jump to a team that they really never had the drive for.

They had the talent, sure, and made those teams fair-and-square, but lacked the drive to excel, or even succeed, at that level. That's hard to explain effectively if you haven't already brought a kid all the way up.

But, before you know it, crazy hockey dad thinks their kid has stalled out again and makes another move.

This is the spot where you get tagged as a team jumper.

Lots of solid players fizzle out in this fashion...and it's too bad.

On the flip side, other hockey parents recently let on that they were a little bit jealous and/or baffled at the situation that two of my kids are currently in.

One is "in the show" -- not my words -- and the other is on what appears to be on a powerhouse of a team, and a contributor offensively, when, from their perspective, he's a fourth line nobody.

And, while there is absolutely some luck involved here, to a certain degree, we've made our own luck by doing the homework before nearly every move.

Aside from specific coaches, if you take a step back and look at your own program objectively and then look at all of the programs in your area, it's almost easy to pinpoint which programs are on the upswing and which are on the downswing.

I often say that success in hockey is situational and, while you can't pick who your kids are on the ice with, you absolutely can direct them towards programs that are in their "on the way to the top" era...

Pick the program on the up-and-up.

Skip the team that had their heyday years ago.

20+ banners on the wall from 15+ years ago isn't a good sign.

And think long and hard about the team that's already at the top.

Success feeds egos. Egos seek higher levels.

That's what sunk the best team any of my kids have ever played for.

What you should be seeking is not necessarily wins...you're looking for development.

So many parents and players fail to grasp this.

My kids have toiled through some really rough seasons over the past few years.

My oldest had a season where -- I'm shooting from the hip, not actually checking -- they didn't win a game from November through the end of January.

At the same time, it turned out to be his breakout season.

My middle son would probably like to pretend his peewee years never even happened.

It was bad. But, so far, heading into his final bantam year now, it's worked out.

It's awful to say but, as my kids get older, I've found that it becomes less and less of a team sport and more of an individual game.

I don't mean that the players aren't passing or don't like one another -- as a "team" game, it's very clearly getting better and better -- but the goals of the players are now more of a narrow stream...and their streams don't necessarily cross paths anymore.

Like, every mite and squirt wants to play in the NHL.

Everybody is in, pretty much, the same boat.

Being super blunt...peewee doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all.

By bantam and midget, though, a majority of the kids have more realistic goals.

I mean, every team still has that one kid (or crazy parent) that thinks they're going to the NHL...but, yeah...

Kudos to them for continuing to foresee their extra lofty goals, I guess.

But, like, some kids just want to be nasty on their high school hockey team. Make varsity as a freshman or whatever.

Some want to play for a prep school.

Some want to end up billeting far from home for a junior team.

Some just want to play for fun like they always have.

And it's at that point where things become a little more selfish and individual. What one player seeks doesn't overlap at all with what the player to their right is seeking.

And you need to try to be mindful of that as a parent when selecting a team/program -- the environment is so, so, so important.

I think I've mentioned one of my kid's mite teams before where we just had an amazing group of like-minded kids all on the same team. Lightning in a bottle -- the development curve was exponential as a result.

The team fell apart after that -- wrote an article about it back then too: "best player always leaves".

If your kid is seeking prep school -- pick a team that has paved a path that direction. Chances are, a majority of the roster will be of the same exact mindset.

If local high school is in the plan, pick the program that has the most kids that end up going to that high school.

If juniors are your goal, same deal, pick the right program that offers the exposure and opportunity for that route.

I feel like that's stating the obvious but, legit, look at your team.

Think about the roster.

Think about the coach.

Are you in the right place?

And while it's absolutely true that as the kids get to be 13 or 14 years old, there are fewer and fewer options available -- it's also true that the options available hardly intersect.

Prep school bound kids go here. High school bound kids go here. Junior bound kids go here. Lacrosse players easing out of hockey go there.

There's a little bit of overlap...but I've found that most of the overlap originates from hockey families that are just riding the current, care free, not really narrowing in on what the best or most appropriate path for their player could be.

They didn't think about the roster. Or the coach.

And every program has that one parent that insists on "only the best" for their children. Those guys are nearly ALWAYS playing for the wrong program, I've found.

Actually, they're usually weeded out that first year of bantam...

Every single one we know is currently playing on a thirds team for a prep school...with zero chance of ever playing varsity.

I digress.

So, yeah, have I always made the right move at the right time with my kids?

Absolutely not.

We've gotten lucky more often than not.

That said, to a certain degree, we made our own luck by doing the homework before nearly every move...but luck was still part of the equation.

Now, as for the parents thinking my kid is "in the show" or that are baffled by their success on teams they assumed they shouldn't be on, well...

There's luck involved there too...but I do want to pat myself on the back a little for how I've navigated it and also want to give a ton of my credit to my kids for doing their part on and off the ice too.

It was a two-year plan, it's always a two-year plan, and the goals have come to fruition.

For my part, as of this article, my kids have played in 1275 games.

My eyes and ears have been open for all of them.

Read the room, absorb the enviroment, see through the sales pitches, and act accordingly.

I'm not the same guy that I was 20-games in -- experience is hugely valuable.

My middle one, Henrik, toiled through two terrible seasons of peewee. We transitioned from one bad team to another -- one of those "jumping from the downwardly spiralling program and onto one on the up-and-up" situations...twice.

At the time, when I put it out in the open that I was heading to another program, the fellow parents of (now) former teammates considered it a lateral move.

I never saw it that way.

Both teams were bad...but the future was bright on the new one.

I don't want to say we paid our dues. I'm not a fan of that minor league baseball tradition...but even after another bad year, I knew the following season would be awesome.

With three goals and two assists through the first two weekends, he was on pace for his breakout season...while playing at the highest level he's ever played. Fuse has been lit.

My oldest put in a ton of work during the off-season to get bigger and stronger, showcased his ability successfully at an NAHL combine to pique some interest, and also benefitted from some roster shortages at his position.

But, for both, it was the exact same thing -- we picked the programs they currently play for because we could see these opportunities could/would present themselves.

Now, am I perfect? Has all of this hockey parent experience led me to a place where is everything great right out of the gate, every season?

Not even close.

Team selection remorse exists in my head right this very minute.

Yep, I've got it. Irks me a little bit. Trying hard to ride it out hoping it gets better but I've already come to terms with the fact that we're quite possibly in that "stayed one season too long" era right now.

But, guess what?

I'm already thinking two years ahead...and have a plan.

It's gonna be alright.

And it's gonna, again, look like I left at the perfect time.

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Chris Rutsch

Hockey Dad

Year round, I spend a significant amount of time and money transporting my three boys to and from freezing cold ice rinks. Not because I expect them to make it to the NHL but because I know the rigorous youth hockey experience will serve them well in the future.