Equal Opportunity Hockey Parenting

Just Say No!

So I've always been extra mindful to provide all of my kids the same opportunities.

The best example I have, relating to youth hockey, are the Brick team tryouts for when they were 8, 9, and 10 years old.

My oldest got a peak behind the curtain, my middle one took a solid run at it even though I knew what it was all about and would have declined the offer (had he made it that far), and then I still took my youngest to a tryout even though he had no business being there to begin with.

Reason being, I didn't want it to come up during a family dinner in two decades where my youngest would be like, "Hey, how come I never tried out for that team?".

My oldest, Duncan, has done more than the other two, combined.

More camps, more clinics, more private lessons, more coaches, more tournaments, you name it.

He was the test subject.

And I was new to hockey parenting. Very green.

If there was ice, we were signing up!

For my middle one, I had higher standards.

He wasn't going to go to the camps that his older brother had gone to that I'd deemed a complete waste of time and money.

You know, like those travelling circuses that advertise in the USA Hockey Magazine. So-and-So's Power Skating, Sniper Shooting, Simply Defense, Pro Ambitions, yeah...not worth it. None of them.

Mediocre private coaches? Nope.

Summer tournament teams were even few and far between.

His path has been streamlined more towards "known" quality.

If it's not going to serve a purpose or take him closer to his goals, we're not doing it.

For my youngest, though, well...he's particpated in almost nothing.

Private lessons? Nope.

Spring and summer hockey? Nope.

He does a "fun" summer hockey camp each year...but I wouldn't claim that it has made him a better player...it just keeps him on the ice and smiling.

When it's your third run through youth hockey -- the "fun" part takes on far more importance. That's hockey parenting experience taking hold, right there.

Actually, we're skipping that "fun" camp this year. Awkward.

But I'm still greatly conflicted.

This off season, as my two older boys are doing private lessons a few times per week and hitting the gym with personal trainers 3+ times per week, my youngest is at home staring at his phone or playing MineCraft (yeah, the game that just keeps making a comeback every few years).

I should be giving him the same opportunity to improve as a player, right? I'll be the first to tell you that my oldest son is where he is because credit is due to most of the experiences he's been through.

My middle one also received a head start over his peers using the same methods.

The youngest, though, is just a warm body rando on the teams he plays for.

He scores more than he deserves to, and at a higher pace than his older brothers ever did, but I just don't see the same ceiling I saw with my older boys.

So where am I going with this?

A number of months ago, I lamented this situation to a coach that I respect and utilize frequently that also happens to know all three kids pretty well.

He knows their strengths, weaknesses, and tendancies.

He also sees what I see -- totally different ceilings.

His guidance?

Full stop.

Don't give them "equal" opportunities. Just...stop.

Focus on the ones that will get the most out of it.

He had brothers, they played hockey, and one obviously wanted it more than the others, you know, took it more seriously.

His parents should have focussed on that one -- they didn't.

Instead, they did what I've been doing.

Now, in my head, it makes sense.

I frequently find -- especially in things related to youth hockey -- that just stating the obvious out loud helps things make sense.

Perfect sense.

So, while my plan going into this off-season was to split up the (expensive) private lessons evenly...I'm not.

I'm gonna follow his advice.

Oldest was getting the most at the onset, one or two sessions per week.

Middle one was getting one every other week.

Youngest...nothing.

And I'm re-evaluating from week to week.

Oldest started strong and then laid an egg in two consecutive sessions training with a handful of the top junior and college players in our region.

Took my younger two to a plain old open hockey session...where my middle son DOMINATED in a scrimmage that included a number of the exact same players my older son had been training with.

Overtook his older brother on our family depth chart -- now he's lined up for multiple ice sessions per week. He's making more of his opportunities.

Youngest, though...just open hockey every now and then to keep him on the ice.

And should a scrimmage break out, it's "neat" for a 10 year old to be out there with college players in a game scenario...but I'm not sure he gets a ton out of it.

Especially when the prep school kids never seem to grasp that it's okay to let the little guys carry the puck through the neutral zone without interference...

Why does it always seem to be the thirds team prep school kids that feel the need to stick pop little kids?

Ugh...can't stand those guys... Would it be too much to read the room?

Very apparent they don't preach self awareness in prep school...in favor of elite-ism.

Calm down, boys... You're on the thirds team...which is actually the fourth team.

Is that a regional thing?

So...back on track...I'll still give all three the same opportunities...but they'll have to earn it whereas prior to the last couple of years, at least one was getting a free pass and just going through the motions...

Those (expensive) days are over.

But, yes, I still need to say it out loud every few days...

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